So.
Last game of the season, and I lost to Fran(fucking tremendous).
Played an Ardal list that I LOVE, that I just found last night(fucking typical);that I was winning with last night(don’t fucking snigger, it’s not that unheard of), yet I can’t win a game with it this morning, cos that’s just how I roll, yo…(fuck Fran).
Anyways.
Whilst we wait for Raddy Daddy to finish polishing his armour, I thought I’d share my thoughts on the taunt system.
Now, until last night, I didn’t realise there was an achievement for sending 100 taunts.
Yes, yes, I know, but I just don’t pay attention to that shit.
I have opponents on perma-mute, because the constant BMing makes me want to punch things.
Apparently, I was already on 89 when I discovered it, which meant that I just had to complete it, if only so I can carry on not caring whilst in game.
The standard system is all very nice, and polite….
The problem is, I’m neither of those things(I really ought to change the name of the blog to The Salt Mine, cos reasons).
There are some players, and streamers, who are just far too nice to ever think of sending anything other than a heartfelt ‘well played’, (OceanMud, I’m looking at you).
But that’s not me.
I often, mid game, make up my own taunts, verbally expressing my displeasure, so I thought I’d offer a few…alternatives…for consideration.
You’re Going Down ~ Oh Lookie, it’s Fran. Again. How completely and utterly imaginative of you. Go ahead, thrill me with your acumen. Pestilent prick.
Watch This ~ I’m about to make a misplay of epic proportions. You’re a ranked pleb, too, motherfucker, don’t fucking @ me.
Bad Move ~ What the ever loving fuck were you thinking? Even I don’t do that shit. Moron.
Well Played ~ Get fucked, milling wanker.
Hurry Up ~ Get fucking on with it. You’re not Shinmiri, you roping twat.
Thanks ~ What evs. Bellend.
I think you’ll agree that they’re fair.
Well, they are, if you’re a salty mofo, like me.
We all come across that one player who is an utter cock.
BMing, taking for-fucking-ever to make a play, fucking winning.
Pffft. Smug bastards.
And oh man it’s just so sweeeet when(if, in my case) you beat them, and my obsidian heart bleeds inky black wrath.
So, my annoying little friends, these are dedicated to you.
These days, I’d much rather play a game of ‘Punish me, Daddy’ with Ardal(or Usurper*swoon*), than one of ‘Mind ya filthy paws on my clean carpet, ya gert grizzly bastard’ with Svalblod.
Where once the Skellige Isles held my purple heart, now it’s obsidian core beats solely for the Empire.
Sorry, Harald.
So when Markthius announced the advent of the Nilfgaard Civil Wars tournament, I was all over that like a fat me on cake…
Well, no, what actually happened was…
Bringer said ‘do it!, and I said ‘pffft, fuck that’….
Markthius said ‘sign up, go on, you know you wanna…’, and I was like ‘Do I fuck as like! Fuck. That!’
Then Bringer signed up, and I thought ‘Oh FFs, I can’t let him get away with that!’
So I signed up.
Then I felt sick.
Then I decided I’d made a mistake.
What the fuck am I doing entering a tournament?
Yes, I know it’s an only for fun, only prize is bragging rights kinda shizzle.
But I’m fucking useless at this game, I don’t play often enough, I simply don’t have the time to play as often as I’d like.
And there are a million other reasons as to why I should never go anywhere near such a thing.
It’ll just be a lesson in abject humiliation.
So that was fun.
Then I had my decks to worry about.
3 of the fuckers.
3 whole decks, with cards and everything….
I asked Weevs what he thought(thank you, muchly), I asked Chezzy what he thought(thank you, muchly). Bringer gave me a few pointers, too(thankies Bringer). What Weevs said made sense, that you’re building a deck, or decks, to beat NG, teching against what you expect to be played, Bringer’s point of view was along those lines, too.
But Chezzy’s suggestion made sense too, learn 1 deck, play it with 3 different leaders.
Problem was, at the time, Gimpers was a thing(RIP Gimpy), and I was convinced every person would run him.
Wiley for Roach(hello bricked Assire), lacerate for row stacking, scorch was also in the back of my mind. I wasn’t convinced soldier spam would survive. Right up until 1/2 hour before I went to bed the night before the tournament, I was still changing my decks, overthinking, worrying, not being willing to commit….not having the confidence to commit.
In the end, I went with 3 different leaders(required), 3 different decks.
Irony, the lousy bastard, must have been having a real giggle at my expense when the deck that performed the best for me was the soldier spam.
*sigh*
Fuck sake….(sorry Chezz).
For me, the problem with playing against people I knew, rather than anons, is that they can see just how fucking useless you are, they see your misplays, your mistakes, the things you do that even a beginner wouldn’t do.
And they’ll remember, they’ll know that you’re a fraud, that you were wildly overestimating your abilities by entering, that you have no understanding of the game, and that you should probably just quit.
And that’s how it was as I was waiting for the 1st game to start.
It was all a little surreal after that.
Wins gain you confidence, adrenalin keeps you buoyant for a little while, until you have to start thinking about strategy. As games progress, and you get a feel for how decks are performing, you have to make a decision. Do you play your weakest deck first against a new opponent, knowing that you’ll probably go 1 game down in a best of 3, or do you go for your strongest, and just hope that you don’t have to play the one that you know will get you a loss?
I don’t know is the short answer.
I just played.
I made a mistake in the last game.
I’m still salty about it.
I made a calculated judgement, based on how I’d play a particular combination.
It backfired.
It still bothers me, even though Civil War was just for fun.
And it was fun, it was tremendous fun.
People were lovely and friendly and bantering;for someone like me, who usually avoids people, it was a welcome change from self-imposed isolation.
For about a week afterwards, it boosted my confidence hugely, and my interest in playing.
For those interested, this was how shizzle went down.
So now I sit here, having signed up for the 2nd instalment from Markthius & 98.3 Media, Gwentfinity War: Northern Realms Riot, wondering why the fuck I decided to play.
I’m useless with anything other than NG.
I’ve never played with Demavend(Demawhonow?), Queen Calanthe is the haughty bitch I’ve seen only from a distance, Henselt is someone I know in passing, Meve is that person in the pub who you say hello to but don’t actually know their name, Foltest knew his sister a little too well(I don’t trust that motherfucker), which just leaves Adda.
I do have a soft spot for Adda, though, mainly due to OnlyFishy and his wonderful cursed NR decks of the open beta era. The last season of Open Beta, before HC dropped, I played one of his decks almost exclusively.
But atleast I have 3 decks, one of which I’ve shamelessly pilfered after seeing it played on stream.
I also have 3 more decks, variants on a theme.
I can’t make my mind up on what decks to take.
I’ve practised for a whole hour this week(real life fucking sucks donkey balls).
I’m going to get fucking slaughtered.
Card discussions always intrigue me, from the ‘This card is SHEEEET, CDPR, what the fuck were you thinking?’ comments, right the way through to the ‘this card is busted AS FUCK, CDPR, what the very actual fuck were you thinking!?, I demand you delete it RIGHT NOW!!!( extra exclamation mark added, cos reasons)’.
So, for the record.
My favourite card right now is Coral .
Man, I love this card.
See your engine? Yup, that one there, looking all badass, strutting his/her/their funky stuff all over my board? Ha! Fuck off with that shit.
You want that card, yes *that* one right there, to valiantly win you the game whilst leaving me a sobbing mess as I watch my avatar piece crumble before my sad, sad eyes? Ha! Suck it, noob, now you may kiss my ass all the way to forfeiting.
My Favourite leader? It just has to be Usurper.
Spawn your little insects now, Arachas Queen, you spammy bitch.
What?!
Don’t @ me.
Yeah, there are cards I don’t like much.
I’m looking at you, Cleaver.
How fucking dare you remove my card like that!
Asshole *scowl*.
PS, your beard is stupid, and you have ridiculous delusions about the alluring qualities of your women.
PPS. nobody wants to bang your women, mate. Honestly, they don’t.
PPPS, I secretly like beards.
But, you know, there are ways of playing around it I suppose.
Play your shitty cards first, cuck their Cleaver, job done.
Unless you forget.
I always fucking forget.
And that’s really the point. Ish. Sorta.
When a conversation looks like this:-
Dude:I hate this card, it’s total BS!
Another dude:Umm, it’s not BS, you just have to work out how to play around it.
Dude:My anger is righteous, it’s total fucking BS, and it’s true cos I said so!!
Another another dude:Well, just do X thing and that might help, (with added smiley face, because they were being nice).
Dude: I will NEVER do X thing, because then my anger will no longer be righteous. That card is B fucking S!! So there!
You just have to think, you know what, not my problem.
Why so serious, bruh?
The Filthy Casual 